So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
