In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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