god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
