Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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