dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
