sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
