She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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