I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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