need another drink. this is the easiest way
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
