Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
