What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Randomize
