I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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