Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
