i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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