So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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