you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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