how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is my gift to your gina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
