Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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