I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
