note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
