perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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