I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
