i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
