so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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