I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
