goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
