wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
