Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
