I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
