Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
