By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
