so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's always time for handjobs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
