oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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