im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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