Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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