Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
