And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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