my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
