You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
