His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
