i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
