He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
