I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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