Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
