I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
