I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
