proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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