uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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