His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
