i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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